Emmanuel, God With Us

“O LORD, our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens…When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?” (Psalm 8:1, 3, & 4)

Music is one of my most favorite things.  I seem to carry a song in my heart all the time and know I must be a descendant of the Tribe of Judah who were designated by God in the Old Testament as the tribe of praise and worshipers.  Often, when I am sitting in church and the pator is preaching, his words remind me of one song or chorus after another that I know.

Occasionally, a song comes out on the radio that touches my heart and impacts my life in a very strong way.  Once, when I was going through a difficult time, I kept hearing a song being played on the radio by Nicole C. Muellen called “My Redeemer Lives.”  One of the lines said, “And I know my Redeemer lives.”  Maybe it was just my imagination, but it just seemed like every time I got in the car and needed a word of encouragement, that song would be playing!  I would often burst into tears and thank God for sending me that word of encouragement at just that moment when I needed it most.  It was a constant reminder that no matter what was happening in my life at that moment, my Redeemer lived!

Recently, a new song has been playing on the radio that has permeated the very core of my being and I can’t get it out of my head or my heart.  I wake up singing it, I play it over and over again throughout the day, and it’s the last thing I listen to before I go to bed at night.  And it still reduces me to tears every single time I hear it.  It is recorded by a group called MercyMe and the name of the song is “Emmanuel, God With Us.”  Here are the words:

Who are we that You would be mindful of us?  What do
You see that’s worth looking our way? We are free
in ways that we never should be; sweet release from
the grip of these chains. Like hinges straining
from the weight, my heart no longer can keep from
singing.

[ chorus ]
All that is within me cries for You alone, be
glorified! Emmanuel, God with us! My heart sings a
brand new song. The debt is paid, these chains are
gone! Emmanuel, God with us.

Lord, You know our hearts don’t deserve Your glory!
Still You show a love we cannot afford. Like hinges
straining from the weight, my heart no longer can
keep from singing.  [ back to chorus ]

Such a tiny offering compared to Calvary;
nevertheless, we’ll lay it at your feet. [ back to chorus ]

You would have to hear the actual song to get its full impact — you can go to YouTube and search for MercyMe to find the video — but this one song seems to sum up the full and complete story of God’s love for each one of us and reminds me of how grateful I am for God’s love and my salvation.  God, in His infinite glory, does not have to give us a second thought!  He owes us nothing.  And yet He created us anyway, sent His son to this earth to show us an example of how to live and then he caused that very son — His one and only begotten son — to die for us a cruel death.  And because of the price He paid and because of our faith and belief in Jesus and His death, burial and resurrection, God has given us everything we will ever need to live our lives on this earth completely free from the burden of our sins!

It doesn’t get any better than that.  Not only does God love us, but He also paid the price for us that we might inherit eternal life and be able to receive everything God has to offer His children and those who love Him!  What peace and what joy fills my heart when I hear the line in the song that says, “My heart sings a brand new song. The debt is paid, these chains are gone!”  And I realize I do not have to do another thing to feel loved, to feel secure and to know my place on this earth is simply to praise Him for WHO He is and for WHAT He has done.  Emmanuel, God With Us!  We need never feel alone again when the reality of those words truly sinks into the very core of our being!  God be praised!

Family Holidays

“Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; for on You do I lean and in You do I trust.  Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my inner self to you.  Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies; I flee to You to hide me.  Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God; let Your good Spirit lead me into a plain country and into the land of uprightness.”  (Psalm 143:8-10)

Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day — and I’m happy to announce I survived once again!  I’ve often joked that I was going to have a t-shirt printed that said “I Survived (fill in the holiday)!” because that’s how I feel many times when I come away from a family gathering.  You see, it has been very difficult for me to survive any holiday or gathering with my family .  My father died when I was a just a young mother with three small children.  My mother is still alive and I have only one sister.  I have two half-brothers, one with whom I have no contact and another who lives on the other side of the United States and we never get to see him.  Between my sister and I there are five children who are now all married with children of their own, so the group has grown to 17, but most of them are young adults and very small children.  The problem, as I see it, lies in the fact that there is just my mother (a widow), my sister (a widow) and me (a divorcee), so there aren’t a lot of older adults to relate to.  For me, I have spent a lifetime trying not to be like my mother and wishing I could be more like my sister.  You see, my mother is and always has been a control freak.  She ruled the roost when we were growing up and now, even though her “children” are well beyond 50 years old, she refers to herself as “the matriarch” — meaning she believes everything should be done according to what she wants and says.  She treats us like we’re still six instead of sixty, and expects us to just obey her.  We’re not supposed to question; we’re not supposed to argue.  Growing up, my father knew to stay in his workshop and out of her way.  Eventually, she left him, husband number 3, and married husband number 4, a really kind man who did his best to keep her busy and happy.  My sister and I adored this man and have often joked that when we get to Heaven, the first thing we’re going to do is ask God why he took our stepfather off the planet at such an early age, because it was really nice to have him around to keep our mother preoccupied with someone besides us!  But after his death many years ago, we fell back into the old pattern of allowing her to have her way about everything again.  Adding to my frustration is the fact that my family labels me a “troublemaker” because I always want question her authority or stand up to her. 

Now, those are the “facts” of our family…here is my own personal perspective on what it was like to have the misfortunte of being daughter #2.  I’m not saying this is a correct perspective; I’m just saying it’s how I’ve felt my entire life.  Growing up, my sister could do no wrong and I could do no right.  From as early as I can remember, I have always felt like I was just plain invisible.  No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, it was just not good enough.  My sister was naturally smart, obedient, slender and very pretty.  I, on the other hand, had to work hard just to make average grades, definitely was not thin and, therefore, have never felt pretty, and I always had to be given a valid reason as to why I should obey before I would do anything I was told, which infuriated my mother!  And the comparisons don’t stop there.  My sister married well, had brilliant, obedient children and stayed married until recently when her husband of over 40 years passed away.  I, on the other hand, married the first person who came along to get away from home, lived a life of rebellion and ended up divorced.

As a married woman with three children, holidays for me consisted of going to my mother’s house year after year where my children and I sat around and listened to all the accolades of my niece and nephew’s accomplishments and waited until an appropriate amount of time passed before we could go home without appearing rude.  Many times I left angry after a confrontation with my mother who had done her best to wear me down by either criticizing every move I made or arguing with everything I said.  I’ve come to know the stretch of interstate between my mother’s house and mine as the stretch where I cry all the way home and lick my wounds, and by the time I arrive at my destination, I usually feel much better and am eternally grateful for the refuge of my small home.

For many years now my favorite “holiday” has always been New Year’s Day because it means those other holidays are over and I have been given a fresh year to get myself straightened out so that my attitude will be better the next time the holidays roll around.  If God was handing out gold stars for our human efforts, I know I would have earned a HUGE pile of them for the many times I’ve awakened on the morning of a holiday or family gathering and promised myself that I could get it right this time.  “I can do this!” I would declare every morning as I hit the floor before heading to my mother’s house!  But I’ve learned that outside of Jesus Christ, we simply cannot love difficult people or accomplish the things we set out to do with the best of intentions.

The Lord has been good over the last few years to begin the process of healing the hurts and pains from my childhood, my broken marriage, my children who are “clueless” as to just how much I hurt on the inside, and this distorted view I have of my family.  I have come to realize that it’s because of the deep longings of my own broken heart as a child that I have continued to look to my family to meet my needs for so many years.  You’d think by now I would have realized that, but some people just take longer than others to learn and I’m obviously a very slow learner!

But back to this Thanksgiving.  God’s healing process has been slow and steady — much like everything else He does in our lives — and this year it just felt different.  Perhaps it was because instead of hitting the floor declaring “I can do this,” I lingered in bed, spoke to God, asked for his help and read my daily devotional, “My Utmost for His Highest,” and knew that God had touched my heart.  This time, I knew that God could — and would – meet the “deep longings” of my heart and that He could — and would – be my constant companion as I would yet once again make the right choice to do the right thing and spend another holiday with my family.  I cannot begin to tell you how intense the battle between my flesh and my spirit have been in years past.  My flesh would want to either do what “I” wanted to do that day or take a wrong turn on that dreaded interstate and drive as fast as I could in the opposite direction of my mother’s house until I ended up in Myrtle Beach or, better yet, Florida as far away from my family as I could get.  But my spirit would always tug at my heart, telling me I should be obedient to God’s Word and do what I knew was the right thing and what God would want me to do!  But this time, I barely had enough gas to get across town, so I knew running was not an option.  I still struggled with staying at home and not answering the telephone, but in the end I knew I had to make the right choice and be obedient to the Lord.

So off I went to spend the day with my family.  Only this time, I was able to walk through that door with confidence, knowing God was by my side.  I was able to spend several hours visiting with various family members, watching the little ones in the family run and play, and eating good food without really caring how others behaved or whether or not they connected with me in any way.  For once it really didn’t matter that not one person made an effort to strike up a conversation with me and not one person asked me how I was doing.  That was okay.  And this time I chose to sit at the small table in the kitchen instead of at the large dining room table and I wasn’t bothered by the fact that I might possibly be eating there all by myself.  I felt an incredible peace and knew that if I had to eat alone, God would be there with me.  Of course, I also knew that the large dining room table wasn’t large enough to hold everyone, so once the big table filled up, a few people would be forced to join me.  They did and we had a good time.  This time I was able to stay for several hours and only left because I was tired and not because I was hurt or angry and upset with my mother.

Two things made a difference for me this year at Thanksgiving:  One, I remembered talking to my pastor once, and he helped me understand that I have a lot of what he called “unrealistic expections” with regard to my mother and other family members.  These particular people are incapable of meeting my expectations and it is unrealistic of me to expect them to.  The second thing is that recently I have been seeing a wonderful, Godly, Christian counselor who has helped me understand a term she calls the “deep longings of our heart.”  “Deep longings” are something so deep inside of us and so precious that only our relationship with God can heal them; not other human beings who are probably hurting in their own way and have their own “deep longings” and just don’t have what it takes to heal mine.

So this time, things would be different.  It would be okay because, like the verse above says, I had “heard the lovingkindness of my Lord that morning,” I had “leaned on Him” and Him alone, and I had “put my trust in Him.”  And He in return had shown me the “way wherein I should walk” for that day because I had “lifted my inner self to Him.” As a result, He had “delivered me” and “taught me to do His will.”  I had allowed Him to “let His good Spirit lead me into a plain country and into the land of uprightness.”

So, why was this year different from the past?  Because in God’s own special way, the healing process is slow and steady and this year my heart was healed even more than in those years gone by.  This time I had heard the still small voice of God speaking to my heart and I had listened more closely.  Spiritually speaking, God is constantly operating on our heart, trying to conform us to His image and it is a long, slow, steady process.  Much like open heart surgery in the physical realm, the surgery God does on our heart takes time.  And because God is a good God, He does not just ram the knife in our heart, perform his surgery and say, “There, you’re all better.”  Instead, He works at a pace that He knows we can tolerate.  He chips away at our stony heart one small piece at a time because it would be too painful for us if He did it any faster.

All I can really say is praise be to God who causes us to triumph when we are willing to walk in His ways and be obedient to His Word.  Be blessed…be encouraged…and know that God does indeed love you, too, and He longs to heal the pains in your life and the “deep longings” of your heart.  But you must allow Him to do things His way and you must be obedient to His Word.  Obedience to God is a requirement for his blessings and it’s also a ”heart” thing, not a “head” thing.  Only God can see into your heart and only God knows when you have reached the point of true obedience and submission to Him.  The good news is that He never lets go of us until we come to that place, no matter how many years that might take!

Rivers of Living Water

“He who believes in Me [who cleaves to and trusts in and relies on Me] as the Scripture has said, From his innermost being shall flow [continuously] springs and rivers of living water.* (John 7:38 Amplified Bible

Occasionally I receive an email or a post from someone else’s blog and I know that what they have shared is worth sharing with those I know and there is nothing I can say that would be any better.  Today is such a day.  I received this message today from Nan, who is part of Firestorm Ministries International.  May you be blessed and receive the nourishment of God’s Word for today:

“Notice here that it’s not common sense, medical advice, or psychology flowing from this person’s belly!  It’s living water!!  What exactly IS living water anyhow?  It is where the water of the Word (the Logos) has sprung to life inside of you, where a particular verse or group of verses has become life to you, (rhema), and now can become life to someone else.  It comes out of you because it has gone INTO  you, has done it’s work and transformed you.  Now you can use it as a testimony, and when you speak that word from God it has power and life because you truly have revelation on it, revelation that has changed your life.  In believing in Him, cleaving to and trusting Him, you have obtained the ability to go deep into the pool that you could not get into before.  You may have been sitting on the side of the pool wanting desperately to get in and get healed but you could not get in there and truly understand without a new birth experience.

     1 Corinthians 2:14 (Amplified Bible)
     But the natural, nonspiritual man does not accept or welcome or
     admit into his heart the gifts and teachings and revelations of
     the Spirit of God, for they are folly (meaningless nonsense) to
     him; and he is incapable of knowing them [of progressively
     recognizing, understanding, and becoming better acquainted with
     them] because they are spiritually discerned and estimated and
     appreciated.

In trusting Christ as your Savior, you were thrust into the pool to taste of the spring of living water!  As you speak to people today, let that river flow out of your innermost being, your heart where Jesus lives.  Speak from that deep place within you, rather than just from the mind.  Tap into the flow of the Holy Spirit by faith.  Prophesy to your home, your finances, and to your city and church.  Bless and bless some more.  Watch those waters come and purify everything around you and bring life to the most lifeless situation! 

God bless you all and Happy Thanksgiving to you!

Firestorm In The Word
Nan Smith
Nov 21, 2007

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

Okay, some of you have been wondering where I’ve been!  Truth is, life has taken me on a year-long side trip and I completely forgot I even had this blog until the other day when I received an email notifying me that someone had commented on it.  I eagerly logged in to check it out and was COMPLETELY SHOCKED to see how long it had been since I’d added anything.  I made a promise to myself that I would try to do better…thus, why I’m here today!

This being the THANKSGIVING season, I want to share with you what happened to me today, which is a testimony to just how much God loves us and how faithful He is to His children!  Those who know me, know that I live a pretty simple life and I pretty much take things one DAY at a time and one DOLLAR at a time.  Until you get used to living that way, it can be a really scary experience.  But it can also be an exciting way to live because you have to trust God to provide and you never know what He will do or when He will do it!

Today, just like many other days, I started off with only a few dollars to my name.  There were still several days until the end of the month and getting paid again and things were looking pretty bleak.  To make matters worse, Thanksgiving was just a couple of days away.  I knew exactly how much money I had and what needed to be done with it, and I knew I needed to be very careful.  So I divided my money up: some had to go in the gas tank, some I was hoping to hold onto so I could enjoy lunch with a friend before a long holiday weekend stretch of staying at home, and the last of my precious dollars I needed to hold onto for those unexpected surprise ingredients I always seem to forget when fixing that dish I take for Thanksgiving every year!  Fortunately for me, I don’t have to cook the entire meal.  I get to go to my sister’s house — she’s a great cook — and I’m only expected to bring my one dish.  But I already knew I needed at least one item from the store, so I was holding tight to those last few dollars.

I had to make a trip to a nearby town, so I put just as much gas as I thought would get me there and back home in my gas tank.  I knew my trip would probably drain that gas right back out of my tank, but for the moment, all I had to do was get there and back.  Unfortunately, on the way home, my gas hand got pretty low and I did not have the faith to believe that God would get me home, so I had to stop and use a few more of my precious dollars to buy more gas.  My lunch with my friend was beginning to look doubtful, but I decided instead that I would take things one moment at a time and put off buying that one Thanksgiving ingredient and go to lunch.  Lunch for me is often a treat and one of the few things I actually do just for myself,  and I was in no mood to skip this one.  As I drove to meet my friend, I told myself, “Thanksgiving will just have to take care of itself!”

My friend and I enjoyed a good lunch, talking as fast as we could before she had to get back to work.  As I drove home, I was feeling really low.  When I pulled up to my mailbox, I had several pieces of junk mail and one item that looked much like a card.  I figured it was a Thanksgiving card from a family member, but when I looked at it closer, I didn’t recognize this particular handwriting.  Also, it felt like there was something in the card.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the card:  it was a CHRISTMAS card and not a Thanksgiving card….it was not signed by anyone…and inside was a WAL*MART GIFT CARD!!  I have no idea who my “angel” is, but I can’t tell you how my heart rejoiced when I saw that card!  The amount wasn’t large, BUT — and now hear me when I say this — it was just what I needed to buy just what I needed for that Thanskgiving dish and jut enough to put gas in my car to get me to my sister’s house on Thanksgiving day!

What can I say??  God is so good.  He is so faithful.  He loves us so much and He knows just what we need and exactly when we need it!  My heart immediately went from feeling low to jumping for joy as I praised God for His goodness, but most of all for HIS UNFAILING LOVE! 

I also was encouraged in my faith and knew yet once again that everything would be okay.  I would make it through this day and  I would make it through all my tomorrow’s because I have a Heavenly Father who loves me just that much.  Indeed, GREAT is His faithfulness.

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,`It is well, it is well, with my soul.’”

 Someone recently asked me in an email to share with them about my walk with the Lord.  Trying to summarize my walk was no easy task, but this is what I wrote: 

“As for my walk with the Lord, I was raised in a great church, but due to my own rebellion and strong will, I ran as fast as I could to get away from it all as soon as I could, and from 18 to my mid 30s, I pretty much lived for myself.  Life was good for a season.  I dated, got married, had children and thought everything was the way it was supposed to be for a busy family of five.  But then one afternoon, standing in front of my kitchen window in my newly-built dream home, I came face to face with the reality of the life I was living and faced my own personal “demons,” so to speak.  I was married, had three beautiful children, a brand new house in one of the nicest sections of my city, nice cars and most of the things we Americans dream about, and yet I was lost, lonely and miserable.  It was then I cried out to God in my desperation.  ”God, I cannot do this one more day,” I said, throwing in the towel of my own efforts to keep my marriage together, to raise Godly children and be the person I thought God wanted me to be.  God heard me loud and clear that day, and in that very moment, just like Paul, I had a Damascus Road experience.  I felt the sweet, warm oil of God’s Holy Spirit flow down over me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and God’s peace filled every fiber of my being.  In that one moment, God and I were one and I can honestly say my life has never been the same since!  I’m telling you the truth when I say that from that moment forward, the sky was bluer and the trees were greener than they had ever been before.  It was as if blinders had been removed from my eyes and I could “see” things like I’d never seen them before.

That was way back in the early ’80s and it’s been a WILD RIDE ever since!  It hasn’t been easy…the struggles have been many and mighty.  Although, as a family, we spent several good years trying to rebuild the foundation of our home, the original foundation had been built on sand instead of the Solid Rock of Jesus Christ, and it was not strong enough to withstand the storms of time.  My husband walked away from God…my children followed.  Over the next few years, one piece at a time, I would watch helplessly as I lost a 27-year relationship with one man, my beautiful home in a nice neighborhood, my fancy cars, all earthly possessions, and the respect of my children.

The years after my divorce were ones of “wandering alone in a desert” with no one but God to lean on.  There were days when I didn’t want to get out of bed or keep on living, but God is faithful and over the years He has led me on a journey I wouldn’t trade for all the houses, cars, and eathly possessions in the world.  I’ve come from a life of rejection, isolation and total lonliness in a crowded world to one of finally knowing just how much God loves me and that if it has to be just ME & GOD walking alone together among millions of people on this planet for the rest of my life, then so be it — He is all I need.  I no longer look to a man for my identity and self-worth and I no longer need my mother’s (or anyone else’s) approval for anything.  For the first time in my life I can honestly say it is well with my soul, and that is a “possession” I will hold close and cherish forever.”

The Need for Intimacy

This past Christmas (2005) someone gave me a devotional called “A Gentle Spirit, Devotional Selections for Today’s Christian Woman.”  The book is compiled of various daily devotionals from a group of really well-respected and Godly Christian women.  I want to share one with you that I read, which I think is very appropriate for many women I know today, especially in the context of a woman’s desire to have an intimate relationship with a man.  Many woman I meet and talk to seem so desperate to meet a man and get married.  It’s as if they think finding a man, having a relationship with a man, and getting married is all they need to be whole, or that their life is somehow lacking without that relationship.

Following are the words of Jane Hansen, who is president of an international, inter-denominational women’s organization called “Women Aglow”:

“She took the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.  Genesis 3:6

“Right things from the wrong source constitute lust.  The desire of the woman springs from this root; it is a form of lust.  It is  way of objectifying the man in her own way, wanting him for herself, to find her life in him.  It is looking to him for what only God can supply.  As long as her desire is set upon him, the needs she so desperately longs for cannot be met.  Even if it were possible for the woman to grasp onto the man and somehow mold him into the image she wants him to be, it would not be enough because lust is never satisfied.

“When a woman’s heart is turned, when she sets her desire back on God, a new freedom will come.  The grasping will be gone from her voice and her attitude.  She will be able to move into relationship with her husband based on wholeness rather than inappropriate neediness, hurt, and woundedness.  She will be able to speak into her usband’s life with more effectiveness because her worth and identity no longer depend on his response.  Free now, she is able to be the help to him God designed her to be.

“When the woman stops looking to her husband (or a man) for the needs he cannot meet, she frees him to meet the ones he can:  the need for intimacy and the shared responsibility for the marriage and family.”

I pray those words will encourage you to know that you are complete and whole in and of yourself.  When God formed you in your mother’s womb, He made a whole person.  You are a whole person, and when you enter into a relationship with someone, that person is also whole.  Instead of viewing yourself as half of a person looking for another half of a person, and together you make one whole person, try seeing yourself as one whole person, looking for a relationship with another whole person, and together the two of you make one very strong union.

The Secret of Being Content

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”  Philippians 4:11

Recently I read a magazine article called “Want to be Happier? Start Here.”  The authors (Stephen Pollan and Mark Levine) went on to state, “Too many people believe their lives would be more satisfying, if only…  But you have all the tools you need for more joy right now.  Happiness is a state of mind, not a goal.  The life you want is here, now, waiting for you to grab it.  Too many of us spend our lives planning and hoping and dreaming about how winderful life would be, if only….“  The authors went on the write about how we should, “Focus on the present.  Don’t spend your time brooding over the past or counting on the future to provide satisfaction.”

Reading the article reminded me of how I had spent almost all of my life looking for something in the future to bring me true peace and happiness.  There seemed to be a giant ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach 24 hours a day, either waiting for some impending disaster to strike or hoping for some “thing” that would bring an end to my circumstances and happiness eventually.  I’m sure, for whatever reason, that ball of anxiety had been born in me as a child and I lived through much of my adult years with that same mentality.

I can’t remember a time in my life when there wasn’t some thought of, “Once I grow up and leave home, then things will be okay.”  Or, “Once I meet a man and fall in love, then I will be happy.”  Or, “If I could only get married, then I would be happy.”  And, of course, marriage led to, “Once I have children, then I things will be better.”  And after those children were born and the many challenges of being a parent became evident, I remember constantly thinking, ”Once these children grow up, I can find my life again and then I’ll be happy!”

And through all those adult years of growing up, getting married and raising a family, there were myriads of thoughts that material possessions would bring me happiness.  “If only I could by a new car, I’d be happy.”  Or, “I need to find a new job, then I’ll be happy.”  And once married and living in a small house, thoughts of, “If we just had a bigger house, we would be happier.”  I could go on and on with endless examples of how I have been “wishing my life away” for many years, always looking down the road for something to happen to bring me true peace, joy, and happiness, but I think by now you get the picture!

Don’t get me wrong.  There have been many events in my life that have brought great joy and happiness.  But those “things” or “events” only brought momentary happiness until the newness wore off and there would soon return that familiar feeling of anxiety and discontent that always led to yet another goal or another desire for something else.

Paul said in his letter to the Philippians that he had learned to be content, no matter what his circumstances.  The true secret of being content lies in your relationship with God through Jesus Christ.  Paul had experienced a life changing event on the road to Damascus that transformed him from the hard, cruel, religious leader he had been most of his life to a truly “born again” person who had come to know the reality of Jesus Christ.  Paul knew the truth of who Jesus was and how meaningful Jesus’s death, burial and resurrection was, and he had learned through many adverse circumstances that nothing could take away his relationship with the true living God.  In fact, it was the depth of his relationship with Jesus Christ that gave Paul the strength to endure.

Romans 8:35-39 says, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written:  `For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.’  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Surely Paul and the disciples and the early Christians endured much more hardship than any of us today will ever have to experience, and yet they remained confident that God loved them.  Although I, too, had a “Damascus Road” experience and came to know the true born again salvation of Jesus Christ, it wasn’t until many years later that I came to understand just how much God really loves me.  And along with the growing knowledge of His love has come a peace and contentment like I have never known before.

For you see, it’s in the living through circumstances every moment of every day and allowing God to lead us, that we experience His love and His provision.  It’s not something “out there, down the road,” that’s going to happen.  It’s in every moment of every day, whether good or bad.  It wasn’t until several years after my divorce that I quit living my own life as a person who had a “head knowledge” of God’s love and salvation.  Through circumstances that forced me to let go of the reins of my life, I began to lean more and more on God, and in that leaning I moved into a “heart knowledge” and a true relationship with my creator.  Through the years following my divorce, God led me on a journey that I can only describe as similar to being on a roller coaster ride, sometimes having the time of my life and loving every minute of it and sometimes wanting nothing more than for the ride to stop and let me get off.  And sometimes the roller coaster of my life would slow down and I would hear God whisper, “Okay, do you want off?”  But my response has been, “No, God, I want to ride again!”

Where my life before divorce had been one of “gaining my life” by attaining goals and achieving certain milestones, my life after divorce has been one of great loss, difficulty, and struggle to learn that God is truly a good God and I can stand alone on my own two feet because He will always be beside me.  And no matter what circumstances God leads me through, the underlying message is always the same:  God loves me, He is a good God who will never leave me nor forsake me, and no matter what, I can be content and at peace because of His love.

I have also learned to live in the moment, not looking back to what could have been, what should have been or what has been, and not anxiously awaiting some point in the future where things hopefully will be better.  Having a grandson has taught me to “stop and smell the roses” and enjoy those little things in life that only children see.  I have learned “whatever state I am in, therewith to be content,” for God is ever present and He is leading me one step at a time, one day at a time down the path of the rest of my life.  It is the depth of my relationship with Him and the depth of the knowledge of His love that is the secret of being content.

God Won’t Always Tell Us “Why”

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)

It was a beautiful Friday evening in late August during a time in my life that I now often refer to as the “good years” — the years before my divorce, the years when everything seemed just right in my world.  Our oldest son was away at college, and our other two teenaged children were out with their friends.  My husband and I had been working in the yard, and I was standing behind our house washing down the driveway before going inside for the evening.  And although it’s been 15 years ago, I can still remember that moment as if it were only yesterday.  Just as I went to put away the garden hose, the phone rang.  It was my daughter, who had just turned 18 years old and who was looking forward to her senior year of high school.  She had only left home a couple of hours earlier with two of her friends and her cousin, whom she considered to be her best friend.  Her cousin was only one year older and they had everything in common.  Her cousin had graduated from high school two months earlier and was planning to go to school to become a veterinarian.  The two of them had talked many times about how, once my daughter graduated, they would share an apartment and have such a great time.  But those dreams would never be fulfilled because that night everything would change.

One of the most popular things for young people to do in our city at that time was to “cruise,” which meant riding up and down a very popular street and hang out with your friends.  My daughter and her friends had been “cruising” many times before.  This time they met a nice young man on a motorcycle who offered to take each one of them for a ride on his bike.  For whatever reason, my daughter did not want to ride on a motorcycle, but my niece did and she wanted to go first.  She climbed on the back of the young man’s motorcycle while my daughter and her other friends followed in her car.  And in just a matter of minutes, my daughter watched as a drunk driver pulled out in front of the motorcycle.  While the young man would walk away from that accident with only scrapes and bruises, my niece would lose her life to injuries received when her helmet came off and she hit her head on the pavement.

From the moment I received that phone call begging me to come quickly to the hospital, the question of “Why?” began racing through my mind.  “Why, God, why?”  “Why did this happen?”  “Why did they have to meet someone on a motorcycle?”  “Why did my niece have to get on that motorcycle?”  “Why was it my niece and not my daughter?”  “Why did it have to happen to someone so young who was just beginning her life?”  And, especially, “Why did it happen to this particular young woman who was the apple of her mother’s eye?”

But no answers came to all my “Why?” questions.  Instead, I rushed to the hospital and held my daughter and comforted her friends and did the best I could to answer their “Why?” questions when I had no answers for my own.

Numerous lives were impacted that night, and I’m sure each person in their own way was asking their own list of “Why?” questions of God.  The young man driving the motorcycle would bear the burden of guilt for years to come.  My sister-in-law would have to endure years of grief and loneliness before she could even begin to pick up the pieces of her life and start over again.  My husband’s family would have a huge hole in their family every time they got together and the deep sense of loss would be almost unbearable.

As for my daughter, this one incident would impact her choices and decisions for years and would bring me to my knees more times than I care to acknowledge, asking God the question, “Why, God?  Why?”

But God doesn’t have to answer our “Why?” questions.  After all, God is God and He can pretty much do what He wants.  He is the creator and we are His creation, so He really doesn’t “owe” us any answers.  One of the hardest lessons to learn about being a real Christian is to accept what life hands us without expecting God to justify it.   In those moments of questioning, He wants instead for us to quietly submit to Him and put our trust in Him, knowing that He knew this day would happen to us and He would be there to comfort us and get us through it.  It is so important in those moments to remember that God loves us, He understands our pain, and He knows exactly what we are going through. 

As I held my daughter and comforted her friends throughout that night and on into the next day until we received word that her cousin had died, I wanted to make sure that these young, impressionable young women knew that God had not caused this tragedy.  Man had done this terrible thing to them and God was just as broken hearted as they were.  Their tears were as precious offerings to Him and He would be there to comfort them.

God never did answer my “Why?” question, but instead He swept in and wrapped me in His arms of love and comforted me for days to come.  He reassured me that everything would be okay, and He told me that when He looks down from His throne in Heaven upon His creations on this Earth, He sees a much larger picture than we do.  He sees and knows the complete picture from beginning to end, and He sees each one of us fitting into whatever small part of that very big picture He has chosen for us.  We see our circumstances and the things going on in our lives from our very small and completely “self-absorbed” perspective.  Only God has a perspective large enough to see each and every one of us and only God totally understands the complete picture.

The Bible says, “as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.”

One of the reassurances I felt like God eventually gave me concerning my niece’s death was that He would take this tragic situation and work in the lives of many people.  Sometimes He allows circumstances to touch one person’s life in order for Him to work in the lives of others.  After all, it’s not really about us.  It is about God and His kingdom and His desire to bring all of mankind into a relationship with Him.

The most important thing to remember is that when the grief is unbearable and the pain seems too great, God will wrap His arms around us and comfort us.  When we don’t think we can go on one more minute, He will give us the strength to endure.  Maybe He won’t always answer our “whys,” but neither will He ever leave us or forsake us.  We don’t have to have all the answers, because He is our Heavenly Father and He sees and understands and He has everything under control if we will only trust Him and press into Him and draw our strength from Him.  Truly, He is a good and kind and loving God.

What is Love?

“…God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.  (I John 4:16) 

Webster defines “love” as many things:  a strong affection, a warm attachment, a sexual attraction, a beloved person, an unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for others – oh, yes, and a tennis score!  Since I know absolutely nothing about tennis, I’m not even going to touch that one.

But when it comes to strong affection, warm attachment, or a beloved person, we all understand those kinds of love.  Most of us throw the word love around freely without even thinking about what it means.  “Oh, I just love pizza.”  Or, “I love to dance/read/garden, etc.”  Or how about, “I just love to go shopping!”

And, heaven knows, there is enough sexual attraction in the world today that we don’t even have to discuss that one!

But how many times do we use the word “love” because we have “unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for another person” or because our thoughts are “other-directed” instead of “self-directed”?  If we are honest, we will admit that most of the time when we’re throwing out the “L” word, we are thinking about ourselves and how good we feel.

The Bible says that “God is love.”  If we want to know what love really is, we need only look to God for our answer.  In Deuteronomy 7:9 the Bible says, “Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of LOVE to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.”  God has a covenant with His people to love them, and He has been reaching out to love us since the beginning of time.  Everything God has ever done has been from a heart of love, but most of us see Him as a harsh God who is always punishing us.

John 3:16 says that ”God so LOVED the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  God LOVES us so much that He even sent His son to walk this earth and die a horrendous death and pay the price for our sin so that we might receive God’s love and His promise of eternal life.

There are so many scriptures talking about God’s love in the Bible it’s impossible to even begin touching on them in this small space.  If you want to really know what love is, my suggestion is that you look to God for your answer.  Ask Him to show you what love really is!  Ask him to come into your heart and reveal Himself to you personally!  And as you allow Him to teach you, I can promise you that you will come into a new understanding of what LOVE really is.  And as you begin to receive His love into your own life, you will begin to give His love to a world full of people who are looking for love in all the wrong places!

So, what is love?  God is love.  God is kind and merciful and gracious and giving.  He is selfless, not selfish.  I Corinthians 13 says that “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”

And that is a true definition of God.  You could replace the words “it” and “love” with God in those verses, and you have a pretty good picture of who and what God is.  And the next time we are throwing out the word “love” without really knowing what we’re saying, perhaps we’ll stop and ask ourselves how many of those characteristics do we really possess?

God Loves You!

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!” (I John 3:1) 

As young children, we all grow up looking for love, affirmation, and a sense of purpose as to just who we are and why we exist.  For some, those things are found in parents who show us love and give us affirmations and encouragement and help us find our way as we grow up.  But for many, we grow up in broken homes or homes where a parent is an alcoholic or abusive, or we just have dysfunctional parents who never felt love when they were growing up, and, sadly, they don’t know how to pass love on to their own children.  Some of us are sexually abused as children and we grow up with a completely distorted perspective of who we are.  Eventually we get married and have children of our own and continue the cycle of not really knowing what it feels like to truly be loved.

In John 3:16, the Bible says, “For God so greatly LOVED the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.  “This verse is probably the most well-known and most often quoted scripture in the Bible, and it’s almost always equated with salvation.  But I remember one day when it occurred to me that God so greatly loved the world that He gave and He gave and He gave, and He has been giving since the very beginning of time.  God loved us so much that He created this earth, He created each and every one of us, and He wants nothing more than to love us, to have a relationship with each one of us, and to continue to pour His blessings out on us!  Unfortunately, for thousands of years mankind has been rejecting God’s love and the many good things God has planned for us.

Each of us needs to work on receiving the love God has for us.  The truth is that God loves YOU so very much.  He created you, He knows every hair on YOUR head, and every day of your life is numbered by Him.  He wants to be YOUR Heavenly father and He wants to pour His goodness, His grace, and His mercy on YOU each and every day.  All you have to do is receive His love, acknowledge that you have need of Him because you are a sinner walking on this earth, and ask Him to come into your life and take control.  It’s that simple.  If you will take that simple first step, He will show you just how much He loves you as you continue to walk with Him on a daily basis.  Don’t wait another minute or another day to make the most important decision you will ever make in your life.  And always remember, God loves you!