About Me

So, who is actually behind this web log?  I am a 59-year old woman who has journeyed through much of life and experienced many things.  I guess the one thing I would say about me is there isn’t a lot I haven’t been through, so I understand just about everything and I have compassion, sympathy, and empathy for just about anything a person can go through.  I have experienced the pain and loneliness of rejection as a child, growing up in a not-so-loving, dysfunctional environment that has caused me to question down to the very core of my being my very worth as a human being and has given me multiple opportunies to ask, “God, why do I even bother to breathe??”  I made wrong choices and bad decisions as a teenager and a young person, looking for love in all the wrong places!  I got married as soon as I could to get away from home without knowing what marriage was all about, and then I proceeded to raise three children without knowing the first thing about being a parent!  And, yes, after 23 years of marriage and a 27-year relationship of being faithful to one man, I have known the pain of a failed marriage and subsequent divorce, followed by years of healing and picking up the pieces of my life and trying to start over again.  So, yes, I know all too well the feelings of defeat and failure that come from watching years of hard work go down the tubes.  And how well I know the tidal waves of guilt that flood over my soul from time to time because of what my ex-husband and I have done to my family in breaking up our home.

I’ve watched helplessly as some of my children have gone down wrong paths and made wrong choices in their own lives, so I know what it feels like to have children who are lost and to spend hours praying they’ll one day find their way home.   And if that weren’t enough, although I wasn’t mother material to begin with, God has seen fit to allow me to now raise a grandchild!  So even today, at my age, I understand all too well the frustrations and challenges of being a parent in the 21st century!

Over the years I have lost my father, my stepfather and my father-in-law (all in a a brief 18-month period of time), then a dear niece and now, most recently a dear brother-in-law to death, so I think I know just a little bit about grief.    I’ve also had a mother, a brother-in-law and a good friend who have suffered through cancer.

Although I enjoyed the success of a wonderful career for many years, a few years ago I watched it all get washed away in one fateful moment when I was told I was no longer needed, so I know all too well the pain and rejection that comes from losing a job and the struggle and frustration of being unemployed and the rejection of knowing that many people don’t want to hire someone who’s older with years of experience.

As a woman, I’ve been a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother and now a mother-in-law and a grandmother, so there isn’t much about being a woman that I can’t identify with and understand either.

But in spite of what I’ve been through, I am above all else a child of the Most High God, created in His image and experiencing this journey on earth with Him by my side.  I have always considered myself a Christian, having received and acknowledged Christ as my saviour as a child.  But I lost my way as a teenager and spent many years of my life alone, lost, and defeated before coming back to God later as an adult.  And now, in my more mature years I am finally beginning to comprehend the true depth of God’s love and how much He has cared for me and been there with me through it all.  I have come a long way, and yet I have so far to go in this journey they call “life.”

So…that’s who I am and I hope by sharing my life experiences with you, you will be ENCOURAGED and GIVEN HOPE, and if somehow you can hear and feel and see and experience just a portion of God’s love reaching out to you, then my life will not have been in vain!  And in the words of someone I dearly loved many, many years ago, a great woman of God that many judged and looked down upon, “God loves you…He really does!”  (TammyFaye Bakker)